Sunday, July 31, 2011

Friday, July 29, 2011

Like OMG! No way!

I was bored at work and decided to review the ghetto ceral I got at Aldi. I noticed this:


Looks normal right? 0g Fat, 0g Trans fat, then...

OMG Cholesterol! What amount of cholesterol constitutes OMG status?

7/28/11
Officer Gayler's Office
Cleburne, TX

Zip It


Have mercy! This church has a never ending supply!

7/27/11
Cleburne, TX

Thursday, July 28, 2011

That's No Fun


Lazy S&M? If you don't know what S&M is I am not telling you.

7/27/11
Joshua, TX

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Bottom's Up!

I was with my friend Meredith and as we were cruising the swim suit clearance we see this:

This was so awesome I laid them on the floor to take the picture because I wanted nothing to compete with the cups, balls, and mini kegs (not to scale). But then, after I stopped laughing for a minute I noticed the shorts still had one more trick. On the inside I see this:


Yes, the inside band of the shorts is pictures of boobs and naked women. Class all the way!

7/25/11
Academy
Burleson, TX

Sunday, July 24, 2011

The Dating Game: Final Installment

This month on my blog I have featured some of the more memorable faces of the online dating world. They all live within 20 miles of me and all messaged me thinking we had a lot in common. I just remembered about 2 years ago I emailed pictures to a few friends regarding some of the local bachelors I found online. In this my final installment of The Dating Game, I would like to share what I will call my "Top 5 Hall of Fame Winners".


Bachelor #5- The Shirt Man
When you have a shirt as classy as this, we can only wonder how much ass he is getting.


Bachelor #4 - Mr. Wishful Thinking
Mr. Miller Light, please remember you are on a dating site to pick up ladies and not
impress your frat boys.

Bachelor #3 - Cat Man
Although your face paint skills are impressive, most women might be "intimidated".


Bachelor #2 - The Crapper
Taking a picture of yourself on a toilet, in a restaurant bathroom, while your pants are down is never a good idea. Period.


Bachelor #1 - The Wild Animal
This has to be the all time best dating site picture ever! This guy had several normal pictures of himself with friends and pictures of himself at a work conference. The last two pictures were this!

Hope everyone has enjoyed this blog series. Check out the other weeks here: Week 1, Week 2, and Week 3.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Father and Son

I was at Subway with a friend and all of a sudden I see this guy:

Please note the lovely rip that goes for the entire length of his ass. Here's another view of him in action:

That's his son looking up to him as we all see this man's green underwear. I see his son is already taking fashion queues from Dad.

7/20/11
Subway- I-35
Burleson, TX

Not Quite Chanel


I am about done seeing the cupcake cakes. I rarely ever see one that doesn't look like poo.

5/4/2011
Kroger
Cleburne

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Just a Smigen of Stinking Signs

As featured on this blog before, I made my rounds at the church twice this week. Here are the findings :


Something stinks alright...      7/19/11

I have never seen the word "Smigen" wrote out before.
Is "Smigen" even a word? 7/21/11

One day I hope to see the person actually changing the sign. I think it is a man in his late 30's. I can't tell you why I think that, just get that vibe.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Sunday, July 17, 2011

The Dating Game: Round 3

This is now my 3rd week in a row to log-in to the dating site and yet another fine crop of men to pick from. Your studs of the week are as followed:

Bachelor #1: Mr. Creeper

All looks normal until you see he is in a Girls Locker Room, posing by "Mia" and "Holley" who has hearts by her name. He is listed with no kids and does not work at a school.

Bachelor #2: Mr. Going Down With The Ship

Trying to look like a bad ass/douche bag on the Titanic is just not working here.


Bachelor #3: Mr. Bad Hair Day

Yeah, no comment.

To see other dating posts click here: Week 1 and Week 2

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Happiest Place on Earth: Sonic


This was the best Sonic ever! It had a sand volleyball court!

7/09/11
"Happy Hour" at Sonic
Sweetwater, TX

Skeet Skeet


If I have to explain you are either too young, too old, or not ghetto enough.

7/09/11
Sweetwater, TX

Redneck Fix: The Knob

Last weekend I went to see my grandparents and I found this:

I asked my grandmother what was going on with the microwave having a knob instead of a handle. I was told they bought this microwave in 1975 and it still works, but the other day the handle fell off and this is how my grandfather fixed it.


Well, it works. Go Paw-Paw!
7/10/11
Sweetwater, TX

Friday, July 15, 2011

Sexy Eye Patch Man


When you aren't good looking enough to model underwear you land this job. I like how they found a young, somewhat attractive guy to model this eye patch. Do you think when he was doing this he thought "What have I done with my life? Eye Patches? Really?"

7/8/11
Wal-Mart
Cleburne

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Foreshadowing


At least they are being honest with what happens if you smoke.

7/8/11
Cleburne, TX (...of Course)

The Dating Game - Round 2

I received a lot of messages regarding the last Dating Game post I made. Well, I decided to check my dating site messages again to see who the top three are this week. They are as followed:

Bachelor #1 - The Cake Man (at least he has a career, but the picture is a bit much).
Bachelor # 2 - The "Got to Play to Win"Guy
(Yes, this is a picture of the guy reading his $2 lotto ticket. ) I would like to add that Lotto Guy did write me more than "Just Saying Hi". This is just a sampling of the beautiful words he wrote me: "I would rather be at the river than anywhere else. I love to fish ( catch and release mostly) I like to drive with the windows down and sing loud and bad. I'm not perfect and could stand to work out and run more often. I have a weakness for tacos from the taco wagon and can order in Spanish."

Bachelor # 3 - The Sentimental Guy

Some how putting your wedding picture up on a dating site seems a bit wrong, don't you think?

Looks like another week of being alone.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Kibbie and Bits

My friends and I went out to dinner one night and we all noticed the name of the waitress on the check:



Poor thing.

7/3/11
Waco, TX

Caution: Pillow Pet Alert!


I had planned on ramming right into this truck, but the "Pillow Pet on Board" warning made me think twice. For those who are not familiar with what a pillow pet is, I have you covered:


7/5/2011
Cleburne, TX

Vintage Fun: The Crotch Shot


I was looking through my grandparents pictures and found this picture of their friends "having fun".  I told my grandmother that the woman in the picture looked like she was awesome. I was told I was very similar to her.

1970's
Somewhere in Fort Worth, TX.

Friday, July 8, 2011

The Dating Game

I recently logged back into my online dating account after almost 1.5 years of inactivity. I updated my picture and profile some just to see what kind of guys would respond. I have posted picture of three men that emailed me after the updated profile. This was seriously people who contacted me.

Bachelor # 1 - The Cave Man

Bachelor # 2 - Bathroom Johnny
On his profile he had 5 pictures of himself and all of the pictures were taken in different public restrooms. At least crop the picture so I don't have to see the urinal in the background.

Bachelor # 3 - The Butt Man
If you can look past the thug look you will see a poster on the wall. Every woman really appreciates to see your taste in "art".

I plan to die alone by the way :)

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Deliverance


I was coming back from doing jail visits and I saw this guy. This is a horrible picture I know, but this guy made me want to "Paddle Faster. I hear Banjos".

6/15/11
Cleburne, TX

Cool Car, Lame Place




I think it's awesome to leave the top down and show off your car, but at CiCi's? Really?

6/24/11
Cleburne, TX

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Room For One More


I was driving to my parents when I saw this. I couldn't even get a picture that showed all the people in the truck. There are 6 in the back and 2 in the front.

6/7/11
Hwy 174
Leaving Cleburne, TX

Crystal Clear


I was in the courthouse working and I walked past an empty meeting room just outside a court room. I noticed a message and went back to look."Please Do Not Throw Away".  There was no one around, not even in the courtroom. If you are that concerned just take the damn thing with you.

6/7/11
Guinn Justice Center
Cleburne, TX

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

"The" Evangelist


Don't confuse him with a regular evangelist. He's "The" Evangelist. There is also a bible verse on the left side of his car.

7/3/11
1-35W South around Grandview

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Spotted Pretzel


How fat are we in America that we have to put pepperoni on a pretzel?

5/1/11
Ridgmar Mall
Fort Worth, TX

He's Packing...


While waiting in the line at the Movie Theater I notice this guy is packing a pair of scissors in what I call a "scissor hostler".

7/2/11
Premiere Theater
Burleson TX

Friday, July 1, 2011

Happy 4th of July!


Sure, the quality of this photo sucks, but the content is genius. I was driving back from getting groceries and I see this sign at the fire works stand. I pull over immediately. When you see "Horny" and "Spanky's" all in one place you have to.  What you don't see is all the "carny" people watching and cat calling.

I know what you are wondering...Did I honk? As I pulled out of the poorly light parking lot, I gave a courtesy honk and waved them good-bye. I think I heard a "hell yeah" in the background.


7/1/11
Rendon, TX

Wild Hog


Got to put on the leather and jean shorts when you are driving a scooter as bad ass as this.

6/16/11
Kroger
Crowley, TX